Embracing the Differences

By: Jenifer Metzger

My husband loves mixed martial arts. I think it's yucky. Yes, I say yucky because I can't think of a different word that sounds nice. He would love for me to watch his fights with him. Instead, I turn my head completely grossed out. I love to read and would love to have my husband read books with me. Yet, even the thought of reading makes him fall asleep. These are just 2 of our differences.

I think it is pretty clear that in marriage, we don't always see eye to eye on everything. This includes hobbies or interests. It can be hard to connect with your husband when you don't always like the same things.

Time and time again I see women upset because their husband has a different interest or hobby than they do. If I am honest, I've been upset about this too. I love to be with my husband and I want us to do the same things. I want us to want to do the same things.

But the thing, you are not the same person, you and your husband. You are two different people, created very differently by our God. Your differences are good. Yes, good.

Here are a few ways to help you embrace the differences:

1. Realize that you are different. You are not the same person and you won't like the same things all of the time. Simply put. Know this. Let it sink into your heart and save yourself some disappointment.
2. If your husband has a hobby that you do not like, support him. If he goes fishing and that is not your thing, let him fish. Even buy him a gift of bait for his next fishing trip. If he goes to the gym to play basketball and sweaty guys shooting hoops isn't your idea of fun, let him play basketball. If your guy is like mine and wants to watch half naked men beat each other to death (seriously, who enjoys this stuff!?), hand over the remote for a couple hours. Sometimes we need to simply step back and say "yes, go ahead." It is what makes him who he is. It brings him enjoyment and you want him to be happy.
3. Think of your own interests and hobbies. If my husband told me that he didn't like reading so I shouldn't read, I would be upset, to say the least. If I don't want him treating the things I like that way, I shouldn't do it to him. If you wouldn't want your husband to tell you to stop making Starbucks runs, going to the beauty shop, having lunch with a girlfriend, or whatever your 'thing' is, then don't try to stop him from what is important to him.
4. Set aside time to do things separate. If you know that your husband likes to go to the park and play football with buddies, use that time to do the thing you like that he would rather avoid. If you have little ones and being busy at the same time is not an ideal situation, either hire a babysitter or take turns. He gets one Saturday, you get the next. You could even simply use this time to catch up on something that you need to do like writing, running errands, etc.
5. Have a hobby together. While you both probably have an interest or hobby that the other isn't in to, you also need something together. Let him do his thing, you do your thing, then come together and do something together. Not sure you actually have something in common to do together? Think back to your dating days. What did you like to do together then? Maybe your together thing is just going to dinner and taking a walk. Or maybe it's bowling, or playing cards late at night, the list is endless. Find something you can do to laugh and have fun together.
6. Don't let your separate hobbies take over. Having separate hobbies is perfectly okay, but neither one of you should get carried away and let those hobbies take over. If you haven't had a date night in a while, your individual hobby should take a back seat for a moment while you focus on each other. If one of you is spending endless hours away on your own thing while neglecting the your spouse or family, you need to re-evaluate things. If this is you, take some time to think about it and pray asking God to help you use wisdom. Then talk to your husband to find a good balance. If it is your husband, again, take time to think and pray asking God for wisdom before approaching your husband. Then go to him, with a good attitude not one that will accuse, and seek to find a good balance with him that is fair to both of you and won't take away from your time together.

Learn to be okay with your husband having something that he enjoys doing. You should want him to have fun and laugh and do something he loves. Learn to embrace your differences.

Share your own experiences with us in the comments. What are the individual hobbies you and your husband engage in? What hobbies do you do together? How do you balance this?