Monday, September 30, 2013

Marriage Monday - Learning to Fight Fair

Last week we talked about having a plan in place to help us calm down during arguments. Today I want to talk about fighting fair.

What does it mean to fight fair?

  • Use your plan to go to your place and calm down as you spend some time with God. Pray and as God to reveal to you where you were wrong and how to make it right. Don't let the anger fester, breath and release it.
  • Once you have had time with God, go to your husband calmly. When you go in anger, things are said and done that should be avoided.
  • When he speaks, don't interrupt. Let him have his say. If he is in the habit of interrupting you, the more you learn to not interrupt him, he will learn from your example.
  • Be careful to not place all of the blame on him. Sometimes using our words, we make everything his fault. "You did this," "You didn't do this," "You are wrong." Watch what you say.
  • Really listen to what he says. Pay attention to his words and his body language. Take his words and feelings to heart.
  • Don't purposely hurt him. We all have areas that downright hurt us. If you know something that hurts him, use wisdom and do not mention it. (For example if his own father left his family and this, of course, hurts him, don't tell him that he is 'just like his father' when he leaves out of anger or to 'cool off.')
  • Never bring up the past. Only discuss the situation at hand. Work through it completely and lay it to rest. Once it is laid to rest, never bring it up again. 
  • Decide what needs to be changed so that this doesn't happen again.
  • Never, ever mention divorce. That word should not even be a part of your vocabulary. Just don't put it out there, ever.
  • Recap what you have discussed and what changes you will make to ensure that you are on the same page.
  • End with prayer. Hold hands and both of you pray.

Disagreements will come. That is pretty much a guarantee. But if we learn to fight fair, we can grow closer together from these times instead of growing apart.

What are some other ways you can fight fair?


  1. Great words of wisdom. 31 years of marriage and still counting.

    1. Thank you Tammy! 31 years is a wonderful blessing! Keep at it girl!

  2. Well said. It can be so hard to learn to do this but once you see it in action, you'll never want to go back to another way of "fighting". All such very respectful ways to deal with our husbands. Thanks for the encouragement this morning!

    1. Thank you Melinda! So true, once we learn to do it "right" we won't want to do it wrong again!


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