What Love Means

By: Jenifer Metzger

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths,

but only such as is good for building up, as fits the

occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Ephesians 4:29 ESV

Recently I heard a quote that has stuck with me.

"I love you" means my actions will always consider you in rooms you are not in.

Many people describe what love is and what it means to them. This quote shows us a powerful description of what true love means.

"I love you" means my actions will always consider you in rooms you are not in. If we say we love our spouse -and if they are our spouse we absolutely should- every word, action, and thought we say, do, and think will affect our spouse in one way or another. We should be careful to consider our spouse's feelings and well being before we say, do, or let thoughts run freely.

If you are out to lunch with some girlfriends and your waiter is an attractive, younger man that your friends keep making comments about as soon as he turns away, will you make those comments too? Your husband would most likely never find out you uttered a word. And all your friends are doing it. So why not join the conversation and make little comments about the handsome waiter? Because if you love your husband, you are considering him even though he is not there. So, you don't join in on the talk and you don't give him a second look.

You're at work and a coworker gives you a flirtatious smile and asks you to join him for lunch. It's just lunch with a coworker, no big deal. Your husband won't find out and, again, it's just lunch with a coworker. So why not join him, you both have to eat lunch anyway? Because if you love your husband, you are considering him even though he is not there. So, you decline his offer and head off to eat lunch at your desk.

You're shopping with your sisters and they've spent the entire time complaining about their husbands and all these men do wrong. You haven't said anything yet so your sisters ask you how your husband annoys you. You could tell them, he won't know you said anything. So why not join in the merriment of "husband bashing"? Because if you love your husband, you are considering him even though he is not there. So you politely tell them you don't want to participate in this kind of conversation.

You're looking online and come across a new purse that is gorgeous. You instantly want to hit that "buy now" button, yet it's $100 and you and your husband are trying to save money this month. But you handle all the finances so he wouldn't know how much it actually costs if you go ahead and make the purchase, so why not? Because if you love your husband, you are considering him even though he is not there. So, you close out the page without making the purchase.

Even if your husband is not in the room, even if he will likely never find out what was done or said, or even what you thought, true love says I love my spouse enough to consider how they would feel if they did find out. If he would be hurt, angry, embarrassed, ashamed, or any other negative emotion, it is our responsibility to avoid the situation.

This quote can be applied to other relationships as well. If you were talking about someone and accidently "butt dialed" them and they heard the conversation, would they be hurt or angry? If someone overheard something you said about someone and shared with them, would they be hurt or angry? Would your action embarrass someone? Would your written words bring them shame? There is another really great quote that says, "Surround yourself with people who fight for you in rooms you aren't in." Are you the one joining in with the gossip or hurtful comments and activities of another or do you fight for the one not there?

Something else vital that we need to remember is just because our spouse, parent, friend, etc isn't in the room and may never know, God does. God knows all. God hears all. God sees all. If you wouldn't say it, do it, or think it with God there, you shouldn't say it, do it, or let the thought run free.

Discussion:
1. Think of a time you were in a situation similar to what was mentioned above. How did you handle it? Would your spouse, or anyone else, have been hurt or angry had they found out what was done or said?
2. How can you prepare yourself for any future situations so that you are ready to stand up and consider your spouse even if they are not in the room?