Fill Their Love Tank

By: Jenifer Metzger

Jeff is a gamer. His wife, Jane, saw a game she thought he'd like. So while out running errands she stopped by the game store and made the purchase. When Jeff came home from work later that afternoon, he found the game sitting on the counter with a note from Jane saying, "Thought you would like this! Love you!" Jeff went to the bedroom where Jane was folding laundry and said, "Thanks for the new game," and then walked outside to care for the lawn. Jane stood there stunned. She expected Jeff to be thrilled with this gift and thankful that she was thinking of him. She expected him to draw her into a warm embrace and shower her with love.

Scott came home from work to find his wife Sally exhausted from a day of chasing toddlers and doing laundry. She looked tired and worn out. He noticed she hadn't started dinner yet, so he glanced at the calendar to see she had planned spaghetti. He decided to start a pot of water to boil and brown the meat. As he finished dinner and called the family to come eat, he waited for Jane to swoon seeing he had made dinner for her. Yet, as she sat down to eat, all she said was, "Thank you for making dinner." A simple sentence compared to what he anticipated.

In both of these scenarios, a spouse was attempting to do something special for their mate. While their mate appreciated what they did and said those two words, thank you, it wasn't the expected outcome. Was Jeff wrong to not act more excited over a gift given? Was Jane wrong for not melting at her husband's act of service? No. Why? They appreciated the gestures, however, it wasn't what fills their love tank. It wasn't their love language.

While Jane loves to give and receive gifts, Jeff's love language is words of affirmation. The gifts are appreciated, but what fills his love tank is when Jane tells him how much she appreciates him, when she reassures him of her love. Where Scott most appreciates acts of service, Sally craves physical touch. She appreciates his efforts in helping her, but feels most loved when he embraces her or kisses her forehead.

A person's love language is how they most feel loved. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, the five love languages are Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, and Quality Time. We all have all five languages to a degree, but we all have one or two to languages that fill our love tanks the most.

My top two love languages are physical touch and quality time. I crave uninterrupted time with my husband and yearn for his touch. Whether it's watching TV while snuggled together or going on a walk hand in hand, my love tank is filled when he touches me and we get time together without distractions. However, those two are not his love language. He needs acts of service and words of affirmation. He feels most loved when I take something off his plate or encourage him with my words. I greatly appreciate when my husband buys me a gift, tells me he appreciates me, or does something for me. I am so grateful. However, it means so much more when he touches me and gives me his undivided attention.

It is vital to a marriage to discover your spouse's love language and then work to fill their love tank in ways they need. If they need physical touch, all the gifts in the world won't make them feel loved. If they need quality time, all the words of affirmation won't make them feel loved. Make the effort to discover what they need.

When both spouses work on filling their mate's love tank in ways that matter most to their mate, your marriage will flourish.

To find out more about the five love languages and to take the quiz to discover yours, click HERE.

Discussion:
1. Do you know what your love language is? Do you know your spouse's?
2. What is one thing you can do today to fill your spouse's love tank by using their own love language?