Strength in weakness

by Victoria Duerstock

 I’m not sure about you, but I have to be honest and share with you that I really despise having weaknesses.  I have always worked very hard to overcome weakness.  One such time was a class in high school.  I’m old enough to remember our original “keyboarding” class was a typing class on a typewriter. Yep! Typing class was my nemesis in high school.  Now this was kinda strange because I’m a pianist.  I had played for several years already at that point, and I struggled with typing.  Determined to not be beaten by that course, I practiced every night and now still type quite accurately and quite fast because I was determined to not have a “weakness.”

Being a perfectionist, I am always trying to figure out how to get better, how to improve a weakness. I have rested in my strengths many times, and often I have used those strengths as my place of service for God instead of seeking first what He wanted for me.

Over the last few years, I am noticing some irony in my life.

• Irony, because I am noticing that the places that God is moving for me is in my weakness.

• Irony, in that He is showing me very clearly that God gets the most glory in my weakness just as the Bible teaches.

• Irony, because I’m a little slow in connecting the dots.

Boy, motherhood sure falls in this category for me many days.  Oh, is it just me?  I realize my limitations far more in the daily life experiences of motherhood, and marriage then anything previously in my life.  Typing class was a cakewalk by comparison.  I have to accept my weaknesses in these areas and beg for God's grace and mercy to help me in the day to day decisions and difficulties.

But don't let me stop there either, because honestly balance in my life in every department is a weakness.  For instance, when comparing mercy and justice in my life, a short time ago, I admittedly leaned most heavily into justice. I don’t like seeing the injustice in the world, and I connect to David’s thoughts about how he wanted the wicked judged. My normal process just a few years ago was to post opinions on social media about politics, about social injustice, about evil, and many, many, many things. I have lots of opinions. But over the last few years, I have felt the Lord telling me “no.”

• No, don’t comment and get into that debate on Facebook.
• No, don’t be negative in any public forums.
• No, don’t judge that person’s words too deeply before I think about what I know to be true.  Perhaps they just chose the wrong words but their heart is still the person I know and love.

Instead, God is directing me to work…notice it is WORK, it does not come naturally - to be positive and encouraging. I read news headlines, and prayer requests, and my heart is wrecked. I want to share the despair with others and commiserate together, but God has shut my mouth and instead called me to look for His beauty and to share HOPE. It is my weakness - He is ordering my steps here.

Also, I do want to point out that I am not making a commentary on anyone who is still speaking out publicly in any forum they have access to about ignorance and injustice.  This blog post is specific to my journey, and what God is doing in my life.  This is definitely not commentary for what I believe is God's will for everyone.  And I also have no idea if this is for a season, or forever.  I am taking one step at a time.

This also doesn’t mean I will stop trying to improve my weaknesses, or try to limit my strengths. It means instead, I’m actively looking for the ways that God is moving and asking Him to use any part of me that He will. I am enjoying seeing what God is going to do next and as overwhelming as it tends to be to be doing things in my weakness, I trust that God’s way is best, and I trust what He is doing in me!  I also get the privilege to lean on Him to fill the gaps of my weakness.

II Corinthians 12:8-10 Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.