Saturday, July 12, 2014

What to Do When You Have No One

by: Brenda Rodgers

The worst feeling as a single woman is realizing you have no one.

My most vivid memory of this is the night I bought a rod iron, queen size bed. I bought it from Bombay Company, and it came in two boxes - one for the headboard and one for the foot board. 

I lived in a two-story townhouse at the time that had two sets of stairs going from the garage to the living area with a short platform in between. That night I was determined to sleep in my new bed. 

All by myself I carried, taking a few steps at a time and then stopping, each of the boxes up the stairs and into my bedroom. And actually, that turned out to be the easier part of the job.

Then I took out my small tool kit and began holding up and screwing each end of the rod iron into the bed frame. Let me just tell you that holding up rod iron with one arm so that it's perpendicular with the frame, and using a screwdriver with the arm, is no easy task. 

However, all by myself I put together my new bed, and slept in it that night.

Sure, the everyday tasks that would be so much faster for a man shout loudly in a single woman's face, telling her she has no one. Friday nights alone, dateless holidays, and dreadfully long weekends do the same.

But not having a boyfriend wasn't the only circumstance in which I had no one.

God has blessed me in many ways throughout my life. However, having godly, older women to disciple, mentor, and lead me has not been one of them. Whether in my family or at church or at work, I have had no one.

Even now, years later, I am going through a crisis in my personal life. And just as was the case when I was single, it has been difficult finding women who will truly invest in me, pray for me, and mentor me. Sure, I've made myself vulnerable and reached out to women in my Bible study and family, but I've been met with little response from most.

I would be lying to you if I told you I'm not bitter about it, because I am. Life is hard for women in any season of life, and in order to live life healthfully, godly women to lead us are essential.

In order to work through my bitterness, I've come to a resolution. I cannot change my family of origin. I can't change any of the women in my family past or present. I can't change the fact that I have no sisters. I can't change the reality that God has not provided me with a formal mentor like He has other women I know. I can't change the truth that most women I know are not spiritually mature enough to lead well or are too busy or are disinterested.

All I can change is me. 

What has helped me through the bitterness and sadness of having no one is making the decision that I am going to be that woman for other young women. It's kind-of like the Golden Rule principle.

God calls all Christian women to invest in the lives of younger women (Titus 2:3-8). We are to mentor and disciple the younger women in our own families well, and we're also to mentor and disciple young women in our greater sphere of influence. Whether single or married, all women are called to this. 

Because I have not had strong women in my life, it has become my heart's desire to be that person for other women. I want to live well, displaying a godly testimony and a godly example for every young woman I meet. I want to give my life to praying for these young women - yes, starting with my daughter, but not ending there. I want to be what I didn't have.

Today, you may feel the same way - like you have no one. Maybe you don't. Maybe you don't have a boyfriend, so that's why you feel that way. Or maybe it goes deeper, and you feel like you don't have any spiritual and emotional support at all. I want to encourage you to find a young woman to invest in. Become for her what you wish you had. It could be a tween-aged girl or a teenager- even a college girl.

Because what you do when you have no one is become someone to somebody else. 

Leave a comment! Do you ever feel like you have no one? Are you investing in other women's lives like it says to in Titus 2?


  1. Such a good word Brenda! I am so thankful that I have others in my life to lift me up and I pray that I can be there for others as well.

  2. Loneliness is not only a single person's problem. I can be surrounded by many and feel so all alone. Thanks for the reminder that during these times we can move beyond our own sadness and be a friend/mentor to someone else.

  3. All too often I feel like I am alone in a crowded room. I don't make friends easily and I am not outgoing. I thank God for the few friends I do have and I thank Him for the family of women with which He has blessed me. I pray that I am that mentor/friend that someone else needs.


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