The number of children killed in the Oklahoma Tornado a few days ago.
The number of families that hugged their babies goodbye one morning but didn't hug them goodnight that night.
I can't even imagine.
I live in Kansas, I've lived here for 15+ years. I've seen tornado sirens, I've heard warnings and I've heard tests but to live through a tornado...I've never done that. I can't even imagine the terror those families went through. We live in a mobile home...there have been pictures on the news of mobile homes completely torn apart. I can't even imagine. I can't imagine covering my babies with my body to keep them safe. I can't imagine running from our home in pouring down winds, driving rain to our storm shelter 4 spots down. I can't imagine.
But the fear is there. The fear that sits in my throat wells up every time I hear a sound that sounds remotely like a tornado siren...what if we're next? I sit on my hands when I hear a siren because they want to scoop up my children and run for cover...I subconsciously nail my feet to the floor while in walmart and an electric cart goes by that sounds like a tornado siren...
I can't imagine the sheer horror those families went through but I can imagine doing it with my children. I can picture sending my kindergartner off to school for the first time and wondering if she'll come home.
The thought of these things makes me want to cry and scream into my pillow at night. It makes me want to go into my children's rooms at night and snuggle close to their warm sleeping bodies. It makes me want to yell to the heaven's and ask...are you going to keep us safe? You never sleep...does that mean you'll keep them safe?
I don't know why this had to happen...I don't understand why families are burying their babies this week...so today I just focus on the love of God. I hold my babies tight and I pray. A lot.
This week there are families that are not celebrating. There are families that are crying out in anguish for lives lost. There are families looking up to the heavens and screaming at God. There are families holding tight to the thought that one day they will see their children again. This week..'family friday' makes some mommas want to break down and cry...so if by chance you are one of those momma's...
I'm praying for you. I'm praying and crying and holding you through the expanse that is the Internet. I'm holding you and letting you cry...because that's all we really can do..pray and cry.