It's like spinning your wheels.
Something bad happened to our family a couple weeks ago. It litteraly felt like my fairy tale of a life was falling down around me. Everything I thought I knew changed in a single moment. From that moment on all I could think of was the lie. The hurt and pain.
Every day I woke up saying "Yes Lord, I forgive..." then moments later I would think of the pain and my anger would overtake me again. Wasn't I entitled to feeling angry? Wasn't it ok, I mean this thing that happened it was horrible. It was a lie that I caught, it wasn't confessed it was caught so my pain, my brokenness I was entitled...or was I?
"As the Lord forgave you, so you must also forgive.." Col 3:13
Unforgivness is like spinning your wheels, you forgive, then the pain comes back then you feel guilty because you're feeling the pain then you pray and forgive again it's just a never ending circle of back and forth...
When we ask forgivness what does God do? He leans in, listens closely to our hearts and says "yes child, there's grace for that.." then He forgets! He moves on! Yes your pain is real. Your pain is true. But do you want to sit in that brokeness, or do you want help? Honestly finally I just had to be honest..God already knows everything anyway, He's just waiting for you to open up to Him. He's not afraid of your heardened heart, He can handle it.
"Lord, I'm hurting...right now this person has hurt me so bad I don't know how I can move forward. How am I supposed to trust this person again? Lord you know what happened...right now I'm angry, I'm hurting and I just need to breath. Lord in this moment I lay it down, I need your love, Father. I need you to show me the next step, help me move forward...I know what I need to do, I know what your word says but right now I need your Love, help me make sense of this Father because right now my heart is hurting and I need Your help..."
No more spinning wheels ladies, lay it at the cross and take one step at a time...He's on your side. Always remember..if God is for you, who could possibly be against you.