Today is one of those really bad days. I feel like a failure. She screams at her brother even as I'm trying to teach them kindness, to further their teaching of Ruth and Boaz from Wednesday night. He hits his sister even as I'm trying to teach them to love each other. They take each other's toys and then chase each other down out of sheer anger even as I'm trying to teach them that if they wanted something of Jesus He would give it to them...He gave them His life...even as the voice in my head whispers they won't understand...a failure. That's what I'm feeling right now while they are upstairs sleeping (or at least I hope they are sleeping) A failure, even as the worship music is playing and tears are streaming down my face. A failure...as I remember the times I had to put them in time-out, or spank them just this morning and it's only noon...even as I am reminded how many times I've told myself I want to teach them in LOVE NOT anger.
But then a still small voice whispers in my heart, you're not a failure...there is grace. I'm on your side...remember?
So I count my blessings...because I'm not a failure. God is on my side...and I do remember.
1) My daughter opening my bedroom door during my quiet time with God this morning just to give me a hug and say good morning.
2) My son running to give me a hug as I came down the stairs this morning.
3) A few quiet moments while they play as I fold clothes this morning.
4) The few moments where they were actually getting along.
5) Sitting down together to watch a movie with both of them by my side for a few minutes.
6) Hearing "I'm Sorry brother" from my daughter
7) My husband off work early today
8) Looking forward to family pizza and movie night tonight
It's still naptime, I'm going to keep my eyes fixed on God and look for His blessings this afternoon. My heart rests in God and I won't be overwhelmed, not anymore, because there is grace.
(My blessings, he is 2, she is 3)