Friday, August 12, 2011

Out of balance

My husband and I have the good cop bad cop thing down to a science lately. My kids are at the age where everything is a test. From the time they wake up in the morning to the time they lay their heads down on their pillows they are testing us. I am home with them all day so I've almost gotten used to saying no to each little test they give me. We've gotten ourselves in a type of routine lately. They wake up in the morning and someone steals a toy or a book or a stuffed animal before they've even made it down the stairs to have breakfast so there are tears and screaming and temper tantrums as we're all walking down the stairs so I do the mean mommy thing, send them back to their rooms for a do-over and when they can walk down the stairs in a peaceful manner then they come back and try again. This scene repeats itself almost hourly.

When daddy is home it is, however, an entirely different story. I don't know who he's afraid of more, the kids or me. He is the "good cop" in every sense of the word. It's not the "daughter has her daddy wrapped around her finger" kind of good cop either it's the zero discipline drive mommy crazy kind.

We are desperately out of balance. He has gotten better this week but only because I've jumped down his throat so many times for letting the kids get away with murder. I'm learning, with God's help (smiles) that I'm not always right and that it's my job as his wife to support him and encourage him.

It's so important as parents that we are completely instep with our spouses on the discipline stage. Our children can smell when there's division among their parents and they will do anything to create a wedge in between their parents. It's sad but true. My kids are only preschoolers and they have learned that daddy is the one they can go to and he will say yes to whatever they ask, when we are home alone I will discipline them and they will automatically start crying for daddy - this breaks my heart but it's something I have to get past to do my job as their mother effectively.

While I'm learning I'm not always right, I'm also learning that I am my husbands support so while he is doing better this week I go out of my way to encourage him, when he breaks up a fight or dishes out a spanking or two, when he tells the kids to eat their veggies then they can have the good stuff from dinner I continually tell him that he's doing a good job. I come behind him and support him, he's trying and God never created me to lead. My husband is the leader and I am the support, which is how I've wanted our marriage to be for the last 6 years.

God's grace is so amazing, while we have been out of balance God has been in between us instructing me and working on my heart, our marriage is not perfect by any means but maybe with God working on me at least we can begin to dance instep with each other during this season of testy children.

Just think of it this way, your husband is your dance partner for life, and life with children is a dance worth learning. If you two are out of balance how will you ever survive the dance. While you may not completely agree on discipline techniques talk it over privately, never in front of the children..that just gives them the lead on the wedge driving sport. You are your husbands support, your husbands helper so if you are out of balance today pray and ask God how to get back instep with your hubby. You can do it, He can help.


  1. Oh so true! We must be in balance. The kids feed off us when we are not. We need to know what the other one expects and how they discipline and how they react at situations. We need to have the same mindset. Great post!

  2. Great post, Mandy! The enemy (and even our children) is in the divide and conquer mode. So we must stand strong with our spouse, not against them.

  3. Hi Mandy - I love the dance partner analogy. Dancing out of sync with your partner can cause lots of bruised toes (or hearts!). Its a great way at looking at working together through things.
    Great post
    God bless


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