Woman to Woman: 29 Things I've Learned About Marriage in 29 Years of Marriage

By: Jenifer Metzger

Today my husband and I celebrate our 29th wedding anniversary. 29 years. Wow! In some ways it feels like it has been forever, as though he has literally been in my life forever. In other ways I cannot believe it has already been 29 years.

Has it been an easy 29 years? Absolutely not. Marriage is like a roller coaster, there are many ups and many downs. But there are a few things I have learned in 29 years of being a wife.

29 things I've learned about marriage in 29 years of marriage, in no particular order:

1. Make a commitment now that divorce is never an option. (This is not the case if abuse is happening. If you are in an abusive relationship, seek help from a pastor or trusted friend immediately.)

2. Be a good listener. When talking with your husband, pause what you are doing and give your husband your full attention. Put your phone down, put your book down, pause your TV, pause your game, if it can wait, make it wait and give him eye contact.

3. Be a forgiver. Your marriage will absolutely not survive without forgiveness.

4. Be a helper. No matter who works where or who stays home, you can both be helpers. My husband works and I stay home. Yet, he helps with the dishes and picks up the house when needed, and I always make sure his work clothes are ready and pack his lunch. We have our roles but we help each other.

5. Pray for your spouse and marriage. Pray for his health, mind, emotions, relationships, job, ministries, anything and everything. Pray over your marriage, for forgiveness, kindness, love, time together, again, anything and everything.

6. Pray together. There is power in standing face to face and praying together with your spouse.

7. Be kind. We tend to let the weight of the world drag us down and our husband gets the worst of us. We are tired from work or dealing with the kids, and our frustration spills onto our husband. We need to be intentional with being kind.

8. Never, ever bad mouth your husband to anyone, including your parents or best friend. Never join in on husband bashing, ever. No matter how upset you may be with him, don't bad mouth him.

9. Talk good about him to others. You can make his name great.

10. Be interested in your husband's interests. My husband collects sports cards. I do not. Yet, I go to sports cards shows with him, when he buys and sells cards I look closely at them, and I've learned some of the terminology of the card world. I quickly realized that taking an interest in his cards means a lot to him.

11. Be his biggest cheerleader. No one will cheer your husband on like you can. Celebrate his wins, reward his accomplishments.

12. Even if you are uncomfortable with your body, he loves it so let him look at it. God made men visual and your body is the only one he can Biblically look at, so let him look.

13. Never deprive him of sex. Sexual intimacy in marriage is a must. (1 Corinthians 7:5)

14. Date each other. Dating helps keep your marriage alive. It helps you remember why you married in the first place. It helps remind you that you are more than just dad and mom or roommates. Date weekly if you can, or maybe monthly works better for you. Whatever it is, just date.

15. Go away together. My husband and I only took one weekend trip alone when our kids were growing up and it was wonderful. Once our kids were grown, we took a week long trip together and realized it was something we should have been doing all along. That time away helps you really shut out the world and focus on each other. Maybe you can take a trip every year, maybe every other year works better for you, but take the trip!

16. Never stop getting to know each other. As we age, we change, we evolve. My husband is not the same man at 48 that he was at 19, and I am not the same woman at 46 that I was at 17. We have different interests, different habits. We have to continually get to know each other.

16. Spend a little time each day talking to each other. Life keeps us busy. It can be easy to go all day long and not even connect with each other. Be intentional about talking each day.

17. Hug him. Every day hug your husband. That physical contact does so much mentally and emotionally.

18. Kiss him. A kiss brings intimacy and connection. Kiss him. Not a quick peck and run, really kiss him.

19. Tell him you love him and why. He needs to know that you love him, but he really needs to know why you love him.

20. Respect him. Even if you do not agree with him, respect him.

21. Show your appreciation. Tell him "thank you" often. Thank you for working hard for our family. Thank you for being present tonight. Thank you for washing the dishes. Thank you for running that errand for me.

22. Take care of yourself. Especially during those years of raising little ones it can be hard to care for ourselves. We get so busy taking care of everyone else that it is easy to forget ourselves. Take care of yourself.

23. Do things your husband likes. My husband really loves when I wear sundresses, so I try to wear sundresses often for him. If he likes when you wear red lipstick, wear it sometimes. If he likes when you light a candle in the bedroom, light it. Try to do things he likes often.

24. Give him space to rest. Sometimes we expect our husband to go, go, go. But he needs rest. Yes, we need rest too, but we often just expect our husband to not need rest. Especially after work, give him space to rest.

25. Greet him at the door. When your husband gets home, whether from work or play, greet him at the door. Let him know you are glad he's home.

26. Laugh together. Life doesn't have to be all serious. Do things that make you laugh together. Watch a show you both enjoy that makes you laugh, play a game, whatever it is just laugh together.

27. Tell him what's wrong. Women are famous for saying, "I'm fine" even when we aren't. And we do this for several reasons. But the truth is, holding it in gets us nowhere. When something is bothering you, tell him. Be gentle and loving about it, but share.

28. Keep your eyes and heart only for him. Never let your eyes wander in any other direction. Never let your heart flutter at anyone other than your husband.

29. Spend time with God. This is for you, but it's also for your marriage. Spend time with God daily. Be in the Word and pray. Your marriage needs it as much as you do.

These 29 things are not all things I've mastered. But they are things I've come to know are true and work hard at. Marriage isn't always easy, but it is a blessing.

To my Jeremy, I love you so deeply and I am so thankful for you. Always & forever.